Notice to the "Toilet Seat Pooper"

Unknown Man on Floor 5, Building Two, Concourse Office Park,

How?

How is it possible to poop directly on the toilet seat? By my estimation this should take a great deal of effort, however you seem to do it consistently. And why does the stall look like it’s been hit by a tornado after your visit? Piles of(hopefully) unused toilet paper on the ground and seat covers that look like they been ravaged by a wild animal. I can only imagine you’re in such a rush that you frantically peel off a stack and discard what’s not needed directly on the floor. The unused toilet paper remains a mystery.

The facts

I know you tend to strike between 11 and 2 PM EST, and that you prefer the comfort/handicap stall to do you business, although sometimes you opt for the one on the far left(maybe due to occupation of the comfort stall).

Judging by it’s location, and the size of the toilet seat, I’m going to have to guess that you’re above average in the height department. Either that or you remove your pants entirely, as this was the only way I could position my 5’9” self within striking distance of the seat.

Where we go from here

First, please try not to poop on the toilet seat. Or at least have the decency to clean it up. This is the best case scenario for everyone involved.

But be warned - Over the next few weeks I’m going to start to alter my schedule through a combination of Metamucil and coffee, in the hopes of catching you in the act. And when I do, I can assure you that I’ll make it widely known who the culprit is.

I can’t be the only one that’s noticed, and I’m sure the cleaning crew would love to put a name and face to such an awful mess.

Regards, Mark